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Post by breakfest on Nov 9, 2015 0:41:48 GMT
Figure this needs to be a thing. Mainly because I just found a gem.
"Doc my balls tingle when I'm nervous."
"Well you're going to have to stop masturbating."
"What? Why!?"
"Because I'm trying to examine your balls."
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2015 6:05:50 GMT
A man walks into his bedroom holding a Duck. His wife asks "why are you holding that Duck?" The man says "this is the pig i like to fuck." The wife says "that's not a pig, that's a Duck." The man says "I was talking to the Duck."
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2015 6:14:47 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2015 6:16:12 GMT
Yeah it wasn't that funny.  |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2015 6:17:55 GMT
I laughed.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2015 6:18:30 GMT
During a funeral, the pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2015 6:19:33 GMT
I laughed at both, I was talking about mine. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2015 6:21:28 GMT
I laughed at both, I was talking about mine. I don't see yours besides the last one? |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2015 6:22:25 GMT
I don't see yours besides the last one? It was this: A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go." |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2015 6:22:25 GMT
Yeah it wasn't that funny. I wasn't singling you out. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2015 6:26:15 GMT
Yeah it wasn't that funny. I wasn't singling you out. Yeah I think @fireandblood and @konradsmith are right. I apologize too much. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2015 6:56:53 GMT
A guy's sitting by the edge of a lake thinking to himself when a frog hops up and into his lap. Before he can move it, it speaks to him.
"If you kiss me," it says, "I'll make any wish of yours come true."
So he thinks to himself for a moment and then he says, "Okay, jump into my hand so I can lift you up to to kiss you."
"I can't do that," says the frog, looking up from the guy's lap. "You have to kiss me while I'm sitting right here."
The guy sighs. "Well fuck that. If I could do that I wouldn't need a goddamn wish."
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2015 7:48:31 GMT
I don't see yours besides the last one? It was this: A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go." did you post this already and then delete it? Why?  |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2015 7:53:24 GMT
did you post this already and then delete it? Why? Because I saw that davey liked the two posts above mine and then skipped past it. I thought "Ah fuck, it must not be funny then" and deleted it, but then he said he wasn't singling me out so I decided to repost it. I have terrible judgment sometimes. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2015 7:54:30 GMT
did you post this already and then delete it? Why? Because I saw that davey liked the two posts above mine and then skipped past it. I thought "Ah fuck, it must not be funny then" and deleted it, but then he said he wasn't singling me out so I decided to repost it. I have terrible judgment sometimes. You see, @fireandblood, he needs a gay fanbase to boost his confidence.  |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2015 7:57:09 GMT
did you post this already and then delete it? Why? Because I saw that davey liked the two posts above mine and then skipped past it. I thought "Ah fuck, it must not be funny then" and deleted it, but then he said he wasn't singling me out so I decided to repost it. I have terrible judgment sometimes. you have a problem |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2015 7:57:40 GMT
Because I saw that davey liked the two posts above mine and then skipped past it. I thought "Ah fuck, it must not be funny then" and deleted it, but then he said he wasn't singling me out so I decided to repost it. I have terrible judgment sometimes. You see, @fireandblood, he needs a gay fanbase to boost his confidence. well he has already rejected that notion  |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2015 8:01:39 GMT
you have a problem Yeah I know. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2015 8:20:23 GMT
I don't see yours besides the last one? It was this: A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go." I laughed. Pretty hard to tbh.
(pun not intended, but then again it's the only type of jokes I'm capable of.) |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2015 8:24:45 GMT
It was this: A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go." I laughed. Pretty hard to tbh. (pun not intended, but then again it's the only type of jokes I'm capable of.) Yeah it really depends what type of humor you like. |
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