Lame jokes! Get your lame jokes here!

Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.

Pretty grim.

I'm going to start liking every post but yours just to fuck with your head.

But first, good night.

With his friend. He orders H2O and his friend orders H2O too (H2O2). His friend dies. 

Here another one of my grandpa's jokes (the frog one was one of his too)...

A man goes over with his girlfriend to meet her parents but on his way in he's embarrassed to realize that he has gas. So when he meets her parents and their dog Bruce is sniffing at him, he's being real careful to hold it in, trying as he is to make a good impression. He's not even sure how his girlfriend will react if he lets one out. He hasn't known her for that long either.

So they talk for a long time while dinner's prepared and all the while he's holding it all in. But when they're at dinner and Bruce is sitting uncomfortably on his feet at the dinner table, he can't help himself. He farts. And immediately his girlfriend yells, "Bruce!" He's relieved. He knows she'll cover for him and blame it on the dog.

So they talk for a while longer and as he drinks and eats with her parents he grows more comfortable. He relaxes. And eventually he lets out another. Again his girlfriend exclaims, "Bruce!"

She's a keeper, he thinks. She has my back. And the parents must think it's the dog. And he's at my feet still so there's no reason to think it's not him. So he lets out a thunderous one.

And his girlfriend shouts, "Bruce! Get away from him before he shits all over you!"

Where did Frank go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

Why doesn't Elton John like lettuce? Because he's a rocket man.

I was the first one to say so. Now apologize for not remembering that.